I know St. Peter won’t call my name…
Hypocrisy aside, it would be lying if I bluntly say that I am a nice girl. (I see a few nods now.. okay a lot of nods and shouting from everyone.) I can honestly say I have done a lot of ugly deeds and I am not proud of it. God had stopped smiling over me for a long time. I felt like these words by Matt Wertz:
Getting out of bed never felt so difficult before
Every step she took led to the wrong direction
And she never made it out her door
And I had enough of those stumbles.. I am going back to the one who made me. I will lose myself to the one who found me. Still setting aside pride and hypocrisy, I’d know I will still have fallbacks. I’d still make mistakes. But I know now to tell myself that I’m too good to fall apart again because of those mistakes. I will smile and I will live on…
I guess there’s nothing anybody can throw at me now and still get hurt. I have sang my songs on my own.. lived the way I wanted it, bad things happened, mistakes were obvious, heartaches and pain scarred me… but I got out from all of it. I learned from it and I got myself back together.
I had been stuck. And the only thing left for me to do.. was to believe again. Thank God I did.
For the months that passed, I always sleep to dream, to ignore reality, and have my own safe world and stay asleep til the day I die. Lately, I can’t even wait that long for the next day to come so I can live those dreams. Luck has been on my side lately. I know it wouldn’t stay that way forever even if I wish it will but I’ll make the most out of my life now… So I can look back and contentedly say I have live my life well and long enough to realize it.
